Hopes as High as Mountains
by The Lady Ash
Summary: Not even gonna bother. T for space... Might have to turn to M... Not sure.
1. If your Wondering

**AN: So, new fanfiction. I think this one might run longer than the other ones... I'm motavated to write it as well... But I've ran out of tea, and need more... So, the inspireation is slowly dwindleing... Hmm... I'll get some more tomorrow, because if I don't I'll surely go insane. Anyways, I like this one, even though at the beginning I thought I wouldn't... Hmm... It wouldn't weird you guys if I switched POV's to Andrew would it?**

* * *

"Yeah, I wouldn't mind spending some time with you." Alex's voice floated out, through the phone. It was almost dreamy, and it made me smile. I didn't get to hang with any of my College friends, one-on-one, well, next to Marty, but he didn't really count. Spending time with Alex would be a nice change.

"What do you wanna do today?" he asked me, sounding like he could care less. I thought about it for a second, and came up with nothing.

"I dunno," I said, my brow furrowing.

Alex chuckled on the other end of the phone and I rolled my eyes. "Don't make fun, I'm not as creative as Andrew or Austin." I said, my voice taking up a defensive tone as the thought of Andrew sent a pang of sadness through me.

"No need to be so guarded." he said. Alex always seemed to be wanting people to open up to him. He wanted to help, all the time. He was a good person, to talk to, or just in general. You always knew that he wouldn't betray your trust.

"Why don't you just pick me up and then we'll decide what to do." I said to him, clicking the close button on the internet.

"Yeah, alright." Alex sighed. We said out goodbyes and hung up. I pressed the play button on iTunes and leaned back in my chair, thinking about nothing in particular.

"Liv, what's going on for today?" My Grandmother was getting ready for a night out on the town with her girlfriends.

"Alex is gonna come and pick me up in a bit and then we're gonna do something." I said, sitting up in my chair and turning around to face her. My mom nodded, told me to call her when I was on my way home, and that she didn't want me out too late, then resumed getting ready. Finally when I got the energy to get up and go to get myself ready for the day, I took a shower, did my hair and got dressed. Alex had perfect timing, because just as I finished getting dressed he called to tell me that he was here to pick me up.

"Hey, I'm almost ready." I said, a smile playing sweetly on my lips.

"Cool, I'm here, as you've probably guessed." We said goodbye and soon I was out, into the light of day. There his van sat, it's beige coating shining in the summer sun. The car was running and because of the Zune car adaptor I had bought him for his birthday, he was bouncing around in the care, probably to Dr. Horrible, or something good like that. I smiled, glad that I could make someone I cared about happy like that. I got in the car and discovered that it wasn't D&D by Stephen Lynch. It made the smile I had on my face turn into a grin and I began to sing along as soon as I was buckled and the door was shut.

When the song ended, Alex turned the volume down and looked at me expectantly. "Well? What are we doing?" he asked as he eased on the breaks, we had just come to the intersection before the beach, and I still hadn't thought of anything to do.

"Dunno… We can go back to your place, doesn't matter to me." A wave of random depression hit me and I looked out the window, my face setting into a mask of nothing. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alex check the rear view mirror, and then look at me.

"What's up?" he asked me, flipping the turn signal, readying himself to turn right.

I looked at him and shook my head. "Nothing, just got depressed all of a sudden." I said, my shoulders moving up and down as I shrugged. My voice came out in a mono-tone that seemed so melancholy that it could put a crowd a people to sleep with sad dreams in a minute flat. That had been happening lately, I would get depressed randomly, and then I would call Austin or Marty and complain. In the end I felt horrible about calling them and complaining, and that just got me more upset, but I hadn't talked to either of them in a long time, likewise Andrew.

"Well that's never good." Alex looked at me again, his brow furrowed with worry. "Do you know what about?" he asked me.

I shook my head. "No, and it's not the reason you think. I realized a long time ago that I have, nor had, no chance with Andrew."

Alex sighed, and suddenly the car got really quiet and awkward, and there it was, the depression back again.

"…Is it because of your dad?" Alex stopped the car, and parked in a lot across from some park, and then turned the car off. The older boy turned to me, a look of pure concern on his face. I looked back at him steadily, the tears that wanted to form staying in my over active tear ducts.

"I don't know." I sniffed, "All I know is that anytime I'm with anyone I get depressed. I mean, my dad died a year ago today, yeah, and it's been hard enough, living without him. I miss him so much, everyday… Its just hard without him here."

"Alex looked at me, his eyes understanding. His arm reached out and his hand took mine in his own. "Hey, it's alright." he said to me, his thumb rubbing gently across my skin. It felt nice, calming.

"No, it's not. I've snapped at all my friends. Everyone is pissed at me, except for you. For god's sake, Andrew told me that Marty wasn't planning of talking to me ever again-" I took a breath, "and he said that he wouldn't abandon his friends, but after what I said to him, I don't blame him…" Tears were beginning to cloud my vision and by this time I was getting frustrated.

Alex just looked at me, his eyes understanding, father-like. "Marty will talk to you, don't worry." I looked at when I could see of Alex and shook my head, my lips clamping themselves together.

"No. He wont. Alex, I said horrible things to him. I screamed at Austin, I even told Andrew that I hated him, Alex. That I never wanted to see his face ever again," by this time I was crying in sorrow for what I had done. I was a horrible person, I drove all my friends away.

Alex was silent for a minute, and the only thing that anyone could hear was the quiet sobbing that came from me. I heard a click, and then a door open and soon, Alex was over at my door, opening it and unbuckling my belt for me, and soon, I was in his arms, a claming hug.

"Olivia, your fine. Hush love, please stop your crying." Alex was the only person that I hadn't driven away, and the thought of him leaving made me hug him tighter, if that was possible and then made a silent vow to myself that I wouldn't let go.

"I'm sorry." I said to him, sniffing. "I don't mean to cry. I want to have a good time with you." I said, moving my head so that it was looking at him. Alex's wide, chocolate, doe-like, eyes stared back into mine and he smiled warmly, and then shook his head.

"I don't mind. You need someone to talk to, and if what you say is true and Austin, Andrew, and Marty aren't talking to you, well then I guess I'm the only one left." What he said made me was to cry even more, and I almost did, but the thought of ruining his summer even more, stopped me. I looked at the boy for a moment and then withdrew from the hug.

"Well, come on, I want to have a good day. Let's go to the park, take a walk." My goal today was to try and forget about what had happened, but something told me that I wasn't going to be able to.

Alex nodded and held his hand out to help me out of the car.

Who said shivery was dead?

We got out of the car and began to cross the parking lot, into the park, and then down a path that apparently led to a meadow.

"So, I know you said that you didn't want to talk, but I can't let this problem go unsolved. Not only did Austin not tell me about this, but also, we never even saw your random bouts of depressed anger come randomly." Alex was trying to solve this mystery, It was like it was programmed into his brain that if a problem occurred then he had to find an answer.

"I'm sure she didn't want to worry, knowing Austin, she thinks that she can solve this, and she's still mulling it over... That or she's just too stunned about what I said to her to tell anyone." A sigh soon escaped my lips, coming out tired, and long.

Alex glanced at me, and a crooked smile placed itself on his face. I liked it best that way.

"Austin knows she can come to me." he said, it was true, she did... But something told me that she didn't want him to worry about this, and that I was ruining her plan.

"Maybe she didn't want you to help this time…" I was trying to come up with the most reasonable answer as to why Austin wouldn't, well, hadn't told Alex. The taller man shrugged and put his hand's into his pockets.

Trees passed us by, one by one, and I couldn't help but smile at all the little creatures and flowers that passed by as we walked. Soon, time seemed to disappear and all I knew was that I was with my only friend and we were walking through the ever-darkening forest that would soon become a meadow.

"Did we bring food?" Alex asked, his stomach giving a small rumble.

I shook my head, guilt for not thinking to bring something for the both of us to eat beginning to gnaw at me.

"I'm sorry." I said my eyes becoming a mask of remorse.

Alex shook his head, "Don't be." God, Austin and Marty were right, I was picking up the bad habits that Andrew had, like apologizing for things that had nothing to do with me, or things that I couldn't solve.

"I know." I said, hanging my head. Alex chuckled and put his hand on my head and mussed my hair. Soon, we came to the meadow and I smiled. It was a cute little scene, what with the small picnic benches and the little structure that small children could play on. To the right of me, was a sand box, with tires all around it, to make a fortress. In front of me sat something that took my breath away. It was a swing-set.

Now, one thing you need to know, is that swing-sets are one of my favourite things. The way you can go back an forth, almost believing that you're soaring through the sky, and can touch the clouds, that's a feeling I love.

I turned to Alex and grinned, then I shot off towards the swings, the seven-year-old girl that was hidden deep within me, coming out in the one tiny action.

I sat on the swing and as soon as I was on I pushed off and began to pump my legs. I hadn't even looked at Alex and with the joy of my almost flying, I had almost forgotten that he was there. But there he stood, watching me, with a coy smile on his face, and his hands in his pockets.

I let out a joyful laugh and I knew that my eyes were as bright as the sun.

"Alex! Come swing with me!" I yelled back at the other person, who shrugged and began to walk over to the swings.

I slowed down to an almost stop, the laugh still in my chest and eyes.

"What?" I asked, the grin on my face seeming to be plastered to my face. Alex shook his head and chuckled lightly.

"Nothing, just, when you swing, you look truly happy… And, I don't mean to be a kill joy, but even when your with Andrew, it's really the only time I get to see you so happy." Alex's voice was sincere, as were his eyes.

I felt the grin shrink to a small, sad, smile and the stopped all together, there wasn't even a small rocking motion.

"I know I am, and maybe what I did… Maybe that's why I'm getting so depressed, but I can't just call them and tell them that I'm sorry." Alex looked at me like I had grown another head ran a hand through his already messy caramel highlights.

"What do you mean, 'I can't just say sorry'? I mean, I know that it wont make everything better like that," Alex snapped his fingers, "but saying sorry will soon take affect and then you'll have your friends back." Alex looked at me, his gaze penetrating, knowing, he knew that I would listen to him. I looked back at the man, a heavy sigh escaping my lips.

"Alex…" I said, getting ready to explain why me just saying sorry wouldn't work.

But he cut me off, "No. Olivia, there's always a solution to these sort of things, and usually, it's saying that your sorry. Now get out your phone and call Andrew and say your sorry." I looked back at Alex and shook my head.

"Alex, it's not that simple, let me tell you what happened, but we should start heading back." Alex sighed, he hated putting up with my stories, but he did anyways.

"Fine, let's go." he said, hopping off the swing-set and beginning the trek back through the forest, to the lot where our car was parked. I furrowed my brow for a second and then hopped off the swing and ran to his side.

"Right, well I'm going to have to take you all the way back to Youmacon…"

* * *

**AN: Yuppers, all done. Like it? Hate it? Want to murder me with plushies? =D**


	2. Half Alive

**AN: Well, the next chapter. This one was five pages when I finished. I'm really proud of it. Now, I've had most of the chapter done in Andrew's point of view, it's just easier to tell part of this story in his point of view. It also switches to mine before YoumaCon and then to the present. I hope you guys don't get confused. I'm sorry if you do.**

* * *

{Andrew's Point of View, Before YoumaCon}

"Hey, Livvy couldn't, err; Livvy couldn't come to Youmacon this year, what with the play… And she wanted to give you this, so I said I would." Marty handed me a box, and I looked at him. He had a look of guilt on his face, and it perturbed me. We were driving back to Dearborn, from Ohio, and I could not wait to see everyone.

Marty had seemed to be battling something all the way back home and I could not help but wonder if it was because he wanted to decide whether to give it to me during the car ride, or to give it to me at the hotel.

I looked at the small box that sat in my hands, as well as the big box under it. Attached to the smaller box was a dark green envelope, and it was not one of those cheap, hallmark, envelops, it was a fancy one, with a wax seal and ribbon and everything. On the front, it had my name in silver, and in curly lettering. On the wrapping paper, little stars, and planets scattered themselves around and it made me smile, she had even taken the time to write Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy all over in silver sharpie. I could still smell it.

"What should I open first?" I asked him, the soft parchment of the envelope in my hands, smooth against my skin.

Marty looked at me uneasily, and then back at the road. "The present." he said, a big sigh escaping him, it looked like something was wrong, but I ignored it.

I took the wrapping off the bigger box, and my heart sank and lifted at the same time. So that's why Marty had asked me for my size, Olivia had gotten me a kilt—bless her—The kilt was green and yellow and there was a pattern on the side that was a gold embroidered dragon. Overall, the kilt was amazing, and happiness flooded my veins. It must have cost her a butt load of money. I looked at the other box, figuring that it was something else that was cheap, because the kilt had probably cost her around one-hundred dollars and I knew that she did not have much. I unwrapped the smaller box, and a grin broke my face. The set of Brass Dice that I had been talking about gleamed in the setting sun brightly.

I looked at Marty. "Did you know?" I asked, opening the box of dice and pouring them all out into my hand and examining each one with care. The numbers on the dice were not just the regular old numbers, but they were old English numbers that went perfectly with the D&D theme.

Marty nodded, and flipped his turn signal to turn into the parking lot of the hotel. "You should open the letter," he said with what appeared to be a heavy heart.

I looked at him funny, and the back that the emerald thing in my hands. This was not going to be good, and yet, I opened it anyways, the first line told me that something was wrong.

_Andrew,_

_Happy birthday, I hope you have an amazing one, and that you like the presents… I wanted to get you something extra special this year. _

_There is a return thingy in the box in case the Kilt does not fit, I knew I didn't have to get you one for the dice, Marty told me you wanted them._

_Andrew, I still have not gotten over you, and it is already two months into school, I thought that maybe I would get over you, move onto some other boy… But no, your special, you caught my heart and kept hold, like you don't want to let go._

_Every time I see you, I am happy, I can breathe easier; I know that you are ok. I feel like you stalker, people say I am obsessed… Moreover, really, I am starting to believe them._

_Not to mention, you have not told me anything. I know, because Austin and Marty are the only people who tell me what's going on with you. All I get from you is an "I'm ok." And that's it. I get nothing else._

_It kills me to think that I have to do this, but honestly… Andrew, I think that we should stop talking to each other… I think it would be better for me to try and just forget you. Then, maybe when I do forget how much I care for you, we can try to be friends again... Nevertheless, until then, this is my last goodbye._

_Do not make this any harder on me than it has to be… I have already cried enough._

_I hope you like the gifts, and I hope you have an amazing life,_

_Olivia_

I stared at the page for a minute, not believing what I was reading. I seemed to be void of emotion; I did not think that I would be able to feel anything. I had been so intent on the letter, that I had not realized that the car was parked, and Marty was looking at me, worried.

"Marty… Did you know about this?" I asked him, my head finally wrenching my eyes away from her writing, to gaze at him.

"I… Andrew, she told me not to tell you… She said that if you knew, then you would try to talk some sense into her-"

I held up a hand to silence him, and it did. "Marty. Did you tell her that this was a bad idea?" Anger flooded through me and I felt like punching him, why hadn't he stopped her?

"I did, but Andrew, she wouldn't believe me. She honestly thought that this was the right thing to do." I could not believe that she would think of something this stupid. I took out my phone and whipped it open so hard that I could have broken it.

For a moment, I stared at the screen, contemplating if I should call her, or just respect her wishes.

Nevertheless, my fingers were already pressing the send button, and moving the phone to my ears.

The dial tone was like a jackhammer, and even though I was almost sure that, she was not going to pick up, but she did.

"…Hello." She said, her voice was scratchy—like she had been crying—and dead. It made me hurt.

"Livvy… What… What is this?" I asked her. I heard her sniff, and stifle a sob—the poor girl, what was I doing to her—then sigh.

"It's what it looks like Andrew." She said bluntly, I could tell that she did not want to have this conversation.

"Olivia," my voice was stern. "I don't want this to happen. Please. Olivia, I want to stay your friend. I promise, I will tell you these things, just… Please…" I did not know why I was not just letting it go, I should have. She would come to her senses. I knew that she would.

"No, Andrew. You will not, you said that when I told you this the first time, and you never said a word to me. You do not _talk_ to me anymore. It's over Andrew; just leave it the way it is." I could not believe what I was hearing, was she breaking up with me? Because that is what it sounded, like so much so that I did not know what to say.

"I can't… You just… Olivia, we need to meet. Somewhere, I don't care where, but I need to talk to you face to face." Marty looked at me as if I was crazy and then shook his head, he knew that we were both being stupid, but like the friend that he was he would keep his mouth shut.

"Fine. Where?" she sounded so, upset and it killed me. I looked at the clock and frowned, it was six-thirty.

"The Star Bucks by my house." I said, my voice sounding like a groan. I blinked, she did not even say goodbye. However, I knew she had hung up. I shut my phone and looked at Marty.

"Your not going to do anything stupid are you?" he asked me, starting the car again, looking none-to-happy about it. I sighed and looked out the window, trying not to look Marty in the eye.

The other man as too far intuitive, he pulled the car over and stopped on the side of the road. He turned towards me and shook his head. "No."

I looked at him, "What?"

"You're not going to do that, if don't want to hurt her then you won't do it." I looked at him, and then back at the window.

"I have to, Marty. It's the only way she's going to stay in my life." I said with a sigh. I was going to make the biggest mistake of my life, and it was just to stay friends with someone.

{Olivia's Point of View, Before YoumaCon}

I sighed; Hannah had dropped me off at Starbucks on the way home after practice, and I sat alone, a cup on untouched tea in my hands. I was dreading him coming in through those doors, most likely in one of those long sleeve shirts that he wore, and jeans. The thought of him in the attire made me dread seeing him; it would only make me fall even more in love with him… All over again.

A bell rang, and it signaled someone walking into the shop. I looked up, my head snapping, a jerk instead of a flowing movement, only to see a stranger walk in, a newspaper in his hand, and a cap on his head. It only made me more anxious. I really did not want to see him, even though I did, more than anything I did.

I looked back at the coffee, and a tear slipped out of my eye and landed in my coffee, a droplet splashing here and there.

I bell rang, and this time I didn't look up, my hopes of him forgetting, getting the best of me, and making me think that he would forget about what he wanted, and just let me go on with my life. Naturally, I was wrong. Two brown and black shoes appeared in my peripheral and my chest tightened.

"Look at me." His voice was commanding, something that I had never heard with him, and it only made me blink back tears, and look up to see two smoldering brown eyes. He looked so different from the last time I saw him. His hair had grown out to around his ears and he was away, and he had gotten something for his acne, because his face was a smooth and pure tan. It made me melt, and I was afraid of that.

"Andrew, I don't-"

"No, you listen to me. You do not know what you have just done to me. Olivia, I do not want you out of my life… I… I love you, too much to lose you." Something stuck me when the words came out of his mouth. I did not know if they were true, but when he said them, my heart exploded and tears began to pour out of my eyes. Why was he making this so hard on me? Why couldn't he just say "your right" and leave it at that?"

Because he is Andrew, that is why.

"Andrew…" I stood up, the couch I was sitting on making me feel so much shorter than I should have felt.

"Don't say that. Andrew, I know you do not, and I have finally accepted it, can't you just let it alone? I do not want to pine after you all the time. I do not want to freak out about texting you and how I know it annoys you. Andrew, why can't you just let me move on?" I felt the tears slide down my face, and I wiped at them angrily, causing my face to sting with the feeling of being raw. I chocked out a sob, and blinked out more stupid tears.

Andrew looked at me, and crossed the space between us in a matter of a second. His arms were around me in a hug that just said, "Stop your crying." I tried to back out of it, but he just held me tighter, he would not let me go.

"Olivia, I love you. I love everything about you; I do not want to lose that. When I read that you wanted to take yourself out of my life, something hit me hard, and I finally realized, that if I lost you, I wouldn't ever get you back, I can't live with that. I love you, the thing with Austin; it was only in the way… I know it sounds cheesy, but I do. I love you more than anything." It only made me cry more, and all I wanted to do was shrink into a ball and die.

I looked up at the man who held me in his arms and shook my head. "No you don't… Andrew, why are you hurting me like this." His words, for some reason, wouldn't sink in, and all I kept hearing was "I love you, but not in the way you want me to, and I'm being selfish so I don't want to stop being friends." Moreover, every time he said anything, it was another dagger in my heart.

Andrew looked at me, his eyes, still smoldering, softened, and he shook his head. "I'm not trying to. It is the last thing I want to do. I do not want you to hurt anymore. I want to be here to stop the pain." By this time, I could not tell if I was crying anymore, but my mouth's corners rose in a smile and I tried to stop myself from bursting into tears again.

"You're leaving for Collage on Sunday night." I said, sniffing. Andrew looked at me for a couple of seconds and blinked, a smile crossed his face, and he drew me into another hug.

"Yeah, but, I'll call you, everyday, not to mention, I'll be back to see you in Les Misreables. You'll see me, I promise." I looked up at Andrew and he smiled, as if he had just seen the most beautiful thing on earth. He bent down to touch his lips on my forehead and I hiccupped, which made him chuckle.

"Come on, Marty's in the car, and I don't want to keep him waiting, he was pretty peeved driving down here in the first place." I looked at the door and nodded.

"I'll be right there; I'm just going to tell Hannah that I'm staying with you tonight, yeah?" Andrew nodded and began to walk out to the car, while I turned in the direction of the bathroom. I walked in, went straight to the sink, and turned it on, splashing cold water onto my face, trying to make it look like I was not the wrath of God. I looked up at the mirror and grimaced. I looked horrid. My hair was a mess, my face was red and blotchy, as was my nose, and my eye-make-up was running. I sighed, took a paper towel, and began to clean off my face.

Once I was done, I pulled out my phone and told Hannah that I was going to be with Andrew and Marty tonight, which she had no objections to, and then walked out to the car and got into the back of the car.

"Hey, Livvy." I could tell that Marty was uneasy about something, but I let it go with a small wave of my hand.

"Right, well, we need to go back to the Con. I know you didn't register, but if you need me to pay for the one night registration I will." Andrew said with a smile to the back of the car. I shook my head and pulled out my wallet.

"I've gotten a job at the pet store, but I haven't a dress or anything." I said, a frown placing itself on my face. Andrew shrugged and looked back out the windshield.

"Not to mention, I look horrid." I said with an annoyed look. Andrew looked back at me and shook his head.

"You look amazing." He said the moon light catching his eyes, making them light up. Andrew turned back to the front, but he held his hand in the back, opened for my hand to fall into it, which it did, almost in a heartbeat. I loved the way my hand felt in his.

_I will let him think that…_

{Olivia's Point of View, Present.}

"Wait, so… Andrew and you were going out?" Alex asked his brow furrowing in confusion, we were still walking back to the car, and nightfall was coming ever so closer. I sighed, my voice shaking a little bit.

"You… You could say that." I said, looking up at him. His doe-eyes found mine and confusion lit them, but he shrugged, his hands finding his pockets, and his eyes turning back to in front of him.

"Alright, well come on, let's hear the rest…" he said.

"Well, we're going to have to skip to the night he came to a week before Les Misreables…"

* * *

**AN: Well, end of this one, did you like it? Let me know I have to be able to know what you feel about these things. Anyways, I dunno what else to put so I'm going to leave now.**


	3. You are my Only one

**AN: Well, I know, I was lazy on this chapter... But I was in a really bad slump and just needed to get to a part to get my groove back. Anyways, near the end, I had to stop because I was just crying too much, so here. I hop you enjoy, and I hop you don't kill my soul, the next chapter will be out soon, I've almost finished it, I just need to write a few more paragraphs, edit, and then type it up on the computer.**

**Here's the chapter.**

* * *

{Austin's point of view}

"Yeah I'm really happy for you." I said into the receiver, my voice happy, my eyes confused. Why would he go out with her after months of saying no, after months of causing her that much pain?

She sounded so happy, like he was the only thing that was keeping her alive, and it made me happy, to hear about her being so happy, after all those nights of over-dramatic complaining. I hoped she stayed this happy, I hoped she didn't get hurt.

"Right, well, I gotta go, homework calls, plus, there's practice in an hour." She said, the giddy happiness still there, only covered by the annoyance of doing homework. I smiled and said my goodbye, then hung up…

My phone opened again, and I was calling him, I had to make sure that she wasn't going to get hurt. It was my job… I was her big sister… Wasn't I? Wasn't it my job to protect her? To make sure that she stayed safe?

"Yo." He said, a laugh still on his voice, he must be with friends. A pang of guilt hit me, but I shook it off, this was more important than his friends.

"Livvy just called, she said that you guys were-" I started to speak, but was cut off, he sounded a tad drunk...

"Did you? God, Austin, she's amazing. I didn't know she was that easy-"  
I couldn't listen anymore. The fury in my head took away my ability to hear. I stared at the phone in disbelief; did he _really_ just call her easy? How could he say something so horrible about the girl I love like my own little sister? I could feel my protective instincts kicking in as my face went blank with a hint of malice and my posture stiffened and shifted slightly toward a fighting stance.  
"_What_ did you just say?" I asked the composure of my voice contradicted by the tangible hostility. Andrew went silent, and even though I was on the phone, I knew that there was a look of pure fear and confusion on his face.  
"She didn't tell you about…" I saw red. He had gotten my poor, innocent little sister into bed! I wasn't angry at Olivia, I knew how manipulative Andrew could be, and I knew how much she trusted him... I should have warned her... I will say I was very disappointed in her for-

{Olivia's point of view}

"What?!" Alex looked outraged; did he actually believe that I was easy? I looked at him for a second and shook my head incredulity plain on my face.

"I'm not easy. Alex, a wise man once told me to save myself for someone special, I did. At that moment, and at this moment, he is still the special person that I want to be with for the rest of my life; I love him, loved him, and won't stop loving him." I looked at him levelly and he looked back at me, the slightest bit of regret on his face.

"You're right; I shouldn't have assumed that you had been easy, I know you better than that." I looked in front of me to see that we were at the parking lot. I smiled to see the beige car.

A drop of wet hit my head and I looked up to see a grey sky. I frowned and sighed, it would start to rain soon, moving up a level from the simple drizzle that was happening now.

And it was that time that my world got ripped apart. A cars tires squealed, and skidded, and several gunshots were fired, one of them flying straight towards me. I looked at Alex, every feature defined in the adrenaline rush that I had. Alex took two seconds and then dived in front of me.

From then on, everything was in slow-motion. Alex's body plummeted to the ground, landing with a sickening crunch. The car was long gone by now, but I didn't care. I ran to Alex's body, sliding next to him, my knees getting scraped. He looked like he was in so much pain.

Tears pooled in my eyes. I knew that I should have called 911 but for some reason, I couldn't figure out how to. But Alex seemed to not care. I picked him up in my arms, cradling him, sheltering him from harm; no one would touch him again.

"Alex… Nngh…" I kept trying to not cry, to stop my tears, but for some reason, I couldn't. "Alex, tell me what to do?"

Alex shook his head and smiled, a small dribble of blood ran down his chin. "No, Livvy. There's nothing you can do." He said to me, his eyes, and the usually vibrant chocolate brown, and now dull and pain-filled beige.

"No, Alex... You can't leave me; I need to finish the story… I need to tell you what happened, it'll make you smile I promise, you'll laugh again… You'll be happy." By the time I was done with my sentence, I was almost silent and sobbing harder than I ever had. The rain had begun to pick up and I was being pelted, trying to shield Alex from the rain. The droplets mixed with the red on the pavement to make his blood run, and all I could think what that it was the rain's fault for letting him die.

Alex looked at me, a small, crooked smile in his eyes. His hand reached up, smeared with blood and rain, and cupped my face in his hands, his thumb rubbing across my cheek, trying to calm me down, but only making me more hysterical.

"I love you, Livvy." Alex winced at a pain that I couldn't understand, and I couldn't tell anymore, if it was the rain that was blurring him, or if it was my tears.

"Try not to get too hung up on me, Love, you're gonna be on your own now." The corners of Alex's mouth turned up in a smile and it light up his eyes. I shook my head.

"No… No Alex....I can't....I can't go on without you. I need you to tell me what to do… Don't forget, level eight intelligence."

Something shook Alex, and I wasn't sure if it was a laugh, or a shiver. He had to be getting cold by now; he had lost a lot of blood.

"You can make it on your own, you're strong enough, trust me. I know what I'm talking about." Alex's eyes fluttered for a second, and I was afraid that I had lost him.

"And don't forget… Try and see everything in the best light that you…Can…"

With Alex's last words, I felt the last of him slip away from me and I couldn't believe it.

"Alex…" I said, trying to get him to say something one last time… But when he didn't the reality hit me hard, and I shrieked a sob. I felt like I was being torn apart and stabbed. It's my fault that he died, I could have called someone. I could have… But why didn't I? What was wrong with me? Why was I so stupid?

I couldn't do anything right… And I don't think I ever will.

* * *

**AN: Well... If you want to kill me... Go Ahead, I Don't blame you. At all. Infact, if you do want to kill me, go ahead, I encourage it, that way you don't have to read the next thing that comes up. By the way, thanks to Austin, who wrote the paragraph that she almost killed Andrew. I couldn't get angry enough to write it so I asked her ot do it for me, and I think that she did a lovely job.**


	4. Goodbyem Gravity Welcome Change

**AN: Well, here it is. The last chapter. I'm so happy with it. My ass and figners hurt, which show how much work was put into it. I must apologize for the last chapter, it was really bad, but I was in a slump... I'll prolly go and re write the last part. Anways, here's the last chapter, and I hope you like it.**

* * *

{Olivia's Point of View}

I stared down at his body, still crying, I don't think I had stopped. I had been to funerals before; after all, my dad had died… But even then I had not cried like this. This time. No, this time was different. This time… it was my fault.

They had tried to tell me that it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't have done anything, that—yes his death had been almost instant—he had died without almost any pain. But they didn't see his face, and they didn't know. He felt pain, that night, and it was nothing that I could imagine.

It should be my in that casket, and I knew that. If Alex hadn't have jumped in front of me, then I would be dead, and that's how it should have been.

Arms wrapped themselves around me and I knew that it was him. White hot anger tried to flood through my veins, and even though I wanted to hate the person that these arms belonged to, I couldn't. My brain wouldn't let me, because somewhere in there, it knew that I was wrong. The man rested his head against mine, trying to stop my crying.

"I'm sorry." He said to me, like he had done before… But this time was different from all the other times. This time he actually meant it.

I turned around and buried my head in his chest, and just cried, letting all of my anger out at him and his shirt.

All Andrew did was murmur soft words of comfort into my hair. A hand began to rub across my back, and I looked over to the culprit to see Austin. I stared at her for a second, and soon my arms were around her, and I was sobbing even harder, telling her that I was sorry, that I still wanted to be friends. Austin hugged me, and told me to stop my crying, and that we would talk later.

"We need to go and sit down." Alex's mother said, her voice had a dead feeling to it and that only reiterated the fact that her son's death was my fault. Alex's mother and I had become great friends over the pas few days, she had asked me to tell her what had happened, which had taken about and hour since I was crying so much that I had to repeat myself several times.

Andrew, Austin and I walked back to the pews, Andrew's arm around me, and Austin's hand clenched in mine. I didn't want to lose them as well. I looked through the glass that we sat next to and watched as the rain lashed at the windows like the harsh crack of a whip, the skies were the blackest of blacks.

Today had been a miserable day, much less a horrid week, my mother and I had had a horrible fight which ended in me calling Collin to come and get me. I had threatened my mom that I wasn't coming home, and she told me that she didn't really care.

The speaker at the podium began the ceremony with talking about Alex, and the amazing nineteen years of his life. Pain surged through me and all I could think was: _nineteen years isn't enough._ A clap of thunder shook the church as if I was being agreed with, and at that time, I was glad that it was storming so hard, because if it hadn't been, I would have sounded like an elephant.

The speaker said something about a video, and I looked up. I had made a video with Alex for a project that I had in English.

A screen came down from the ceiling and on came my video.

The title screen was nothing but a black screen and bold white letters.

"The life of and amazing person: Alex Gomes. By: Olivia Barris"

School had ended just two weeks ago, and it had been my final project. Alex had made a really big impact on my life and in such a short time as well. He deserved to be recognized.

Like any cheesy dedication, mine started with a montage of Alex, baby pictures, Facebook pictures, and portraits faded in an out of each other to songs that were from now and then.

The screen cut off to a blank black nothing.

Andrew and Austin both looked at me and I could tell that they were wondering what was going to happen next. I just kept me eyes locked on the screen, afraid that if I didn't I would burst into tears.

Alex's face flashed on screen, and, even though I had kept my eyes on the screen, and I had stopped crying, I started back up again, tears falling freely once more, and that moment was the first time that I didn't care if I was beautiful in front of Andrew or Austin.

The video began to play, and Alex's voice happily invaded our ears.

"Right, well… Er, I'm not sure what to say… Being the whole theme of a video…" Alex smiled and then got the spacey look that he always had while he was thinking.

A piece of paper was thrown at him and hit his head, and he looked at the person who threw it at him. Only I knew that it was me.

"…What?" Alex, I knew, was reading a cue card that gave him a topic to talk about. Alex gave the camera a look of regret and opened his mouth to talk…

But then he closed it, and shook his head, I knew that he didn't want to discuss what was on the cue card. Alex ran a hand over his face and shook his head, clearing his thoughts.

"What is your last advice?" ran across the screen.

"Keep to your principals," he began, "but though you do, play life by ear, you never know what you're gonna get. Don't forget, there are shades of grey. Remember trust is a sacred thing, but be mindful of deceit. And don't forget. Keep those you trust close, and those you don't at arms length."

Alex still had one more prompt. It ran across the screen.

"What would your last words be to your family? Friends?"

Alex sighed again and looked at the camera again.

"Goodbye, you've been good to me, and I hope that you can say the same for me. Don't dwell on me for too long, but don't forget me. Never forget the lessons I've taught you. Give as many of my tissues and organs as possible to people who need them, and bury the rest standing." Alex gave the camera one final smile and the screen went black, the film was over.

I looked at the floor, I could feel more tears coming on and I was amazed at how much water my body could contain.

Andrew's arm moved up and down my arm, trying to calm me down, while Austin's nails lightly grazed my back.

The speaker climbed back up and began to tell us where the burial was to be held and what not.

Austin told Andrew and I that she had ridden with Faith and Angela and that she had told them that she would go with them to the burial site, so we said our goodbyes there.

When she was gone, Andrew turned to me and asked: "You want to ride with me? Or do you have someone to go with?" I looked out the window and saw my favorite car parked outside, surprisingly close. Another clap of thunder shook the church and I nodded.

Andrew and I ran to the little car, all the while my black Dress-Suit getting soaked by the angry storm.

We got in the car and I was immediately comforted by the all too familiar scent and calming feel of the car. But the day was too sad to warrant the giddy happiness that usually came with my entering the car.

A smile light my face for the slightest second, and then it fell as I saw the song that was playing. "Let the Good Times Roll."

Andrew started the car and it began to play. I looked at Andrew; his eyes were red, as if he had been crying as well.

We were fourth in the line of cars that were making the long trek to the grave yard; it was going to be at least a 40 minute drive.

The car was too silent. I looked at Andrew. "Andrew… I don't… I don't hate you."

Andrew was silent for a few moments, he looked at me, but only for a spilt second, and then his eyes were back on the road.

"You should…" he finally said to me, his brow furrowing. "After what I did to you… You have every right to hate me."

Andrew's voice wavered, and two tears rolled down his cheeks. I looked at him, my eyes widening.

"I know I should, but its ok, Andrew. Really. I'm sorry that I love you, I'm sorry that I've caused so much trouble… But I don't hate you"… I can't hate you." Andrew shook his head, more tears leaking out of his eyes.

"You're too forgiving. You need to be angry with me. Tell me I'm horrible… Call me names, Dammit… Livvy, please… Just be angry with me." By the time Andrew was done with his speech, he sounded hysterical. He was crying freely, something told me that he hadn't yet cried about Alex, and some of the tears were reserved in his name.

"No, Andrew. I was angry with you… And for a long time too. But Alex finally, and yes, even now he helps, told me to just say sorry… To forgive. Andrew I'm not going to let him, and his word, go unheeded. I forgive you, and I'm done being angry." I looked at him and then at the road. We were at a traffic light and the rain was ever so strong. Andrew looked at me, helpless, and sighed.

"Fine… But… Please… Don't forgive me fully. I took away something that can't be given back, and for that I shouldn't ever be given the privilege of your forgiveness." I looked at him and nodded, I would let him think that I wouldn't forgive him, but the truth was that I didn't need to be upset about that, because he was the one special thing, the one special person that I didn't care if he took the whole world away from me, I'd give it to him, gladly.

We got to the burial site and there was a small service. Alex, like he wanted, was buried standing. They had taken his lungs, heart, and kidney's but they couldn't take his stomach, which was where he had been shot.

Austin and Marty said that they would meet us at Andrew's house. I need to apologize to the both of them.

Andrew and I got back into the car, and just as we had started the car, Alex's mother knocked on my window, which Andrew rolled down for me.

"I'm sorry; you probably want to leave… But while we were fixing up Alex's room, we found something that was for you." Alex's mom handed me a small bundle. I thanked her and gave her a goodbye, and also told her that if she needed anything, or just someone to cry with, that I was here.

Andrew and I left, and half way to his house, he looked at me, the rain was finally letting up a bit, and said:

"Open it."

I looked at the package and unwrapped it. What was in it brought me to tears all over again.

There were five things. The first one, made my heart tear a bit. It was one hundred dollars, and the name and number of a glass blower. On the back of the card, was a small note.

"Get those crystal dice you want."

Tears made my eyes hurt, I had been crying so much and this wasn't helping, but still I plowed on, I wanted to know what the man had left for me, what keep-sakes that I thought I wouldn't get, he had given me.

The next thing was Grot's character sheet, I don't know why, but it seemed to be a piece of history, a sacred document that I had to guard with my life.

The next, his "Killer Rabbit" sweatshirt. I clutched the soft fabric to my face and already my tears began to stain it. My sobs carried through out the car, and Andrew's hand rubbed my back trying to get me calm again.

The last thing that was there, made me feel like I was going to implode. A brown d12 fell to the floor of the car and I picked it up, examining the plastic thing. It had yellow lettering, and it made me choke on my sadness. What the hell did Alex think he was going? Giving me the d12 that he had been looking for, for like, ever? I shook my head and held the die tightly in my hand.

We got back to his house and headed into the basement where Austin and Marty were. We talked for around an hour and a half, in which I apologized, and we fixed everything. I'll have to admit, there was more crying than I expected, or wanted, but I got through it.

I stayed with Marty and Andrew that night. My mom had called once to tell me that she was sorry and that she wanted me home, I then proceeded to tell her that I would be back when I was cooled off.

For the next week or so I stayed with Marty or Andrew at one of their houses and each day I would call my mom and let her know that I was ok. When I bid her goodbye, each time, I would look at both of them—because even though I would stay at one of their houses, sooner or later we would all be together again—and ask what they wanted to do, I had till whenever.

~Time Skip, 1 month from now~

I sat in my house, alone. It was two days before school, and Andrew and Austin were back from their dorm for Labor Day weekend. But even though they were home, I was still alone, and I was still crying.

The computer screen sat in front of me. Andrew was with Marty, like always, and I had been talking to them through aim.

_Marty says: If you want to come over you can…_

_I say: No. I don't. I don't want you guys to see me like this._

I sighed and signed off… And as if on cue, my phone began to ring. I ignored it; the fact that it was his ring tone made it that much worse. I turned the damn phone off, I was home alone, and that was how I wanted to stay.

What a bitter lie.

I took the razor blade that I kept hidden in my room and walked into the bathroom and started to the shower. I walked back out of the bathroom and got undressed; my wardrobe had become nothing but jeans and long sleeve shirts to cover up the angry welts that covered my arms. Those happened almost every night. I wouldn't let Andrew hug me anymore, or touch me; I was too afraid that he would find out. I hadn't had a hug from him since… Alex…

No, don't think about it. You need to clear your mind.

I walked back into the bathroom and I pressed play on my iPod. The water was finally done warming up, and I stepped into the shower, the scalding hot water lashing at my skin like a white hot whip.

I sat down on the floor and pulled my legs close to my body, letting the water wash over me, matting my hair to my body. I sighed and let my head fall back against the tile of the bathroom wall.

I took the razor and poked the tip of it to the skin of my knee, bringing red to the surface.

The pain that followed was welcomed, but not the pulsating empty feeling that came with it. I took the tip of the blade and drew it across my leg, a nice think slice.

My music was too loud for me to care what was going on in the outside world, so when Marty and Andrew busted into my house, I didn't take the time to notice.

I took the blade in my hands again and slashed a long line, which ran from the top of my wrist to my elbow, causing blood to flow instantly, and drip onto the water battered floor.

Shine, by The Morning Of, began to play, and the soft piano floated effortlessly out through the speakers, just like breathing… But if breathing was so easy, why was it so hard for me to take a breath?

Andrew was the first to reach me; he was so frantic that when he wrenched the door to the shower open, he almost tore it off the metal slider.

{Andrew's point of View}

The scene got me so scared that I thought I might have a heart attack. I fell to my knees, and crawled into the shower to cradle her in my arms. Looked at her, as she looked at me. But our expressions were different. Hers was nothing but sorrow for what she had just done.

The shower was beating in my back, a mixture of hot and cold soaking me to the bone… But I didn't care.

I hadn't noticed Marty standing in the door-way, a look of pain filled horror on his face.

I looked back at the dying girl in my arms. "Livvy... I don't understand… Why…?" I couldn't find the right words to… to anything; all I could see was her face, gold and grey.

"Don't be upset…" The girl in my arms spoke, and it made me jump. "Andrew, I don't feel a thing. It hardly hurts… But you're here… And that's all I need." I watched her struggle to form the words, and it made me feel like I was dieing.

"But you're going to live. Olivia, you have too." I watched the girl shake her head, and looked to Marty, whose eyes had turned red with crying, for help. But he was too over-come to say anything.

"Just hold me close, Love. You have to let it be… I'm going to be with Alex soon… I'll tell him you said… Tell him…" Olivia's eyes shut, and her breathing stopped. I looked down at the lifeless, naked body in my arms and tears pooled at my eyes and slid down my face, making my cheeks raw.

"Andrew… She didn't…" Marty was trying so hard to deny it, but I looked at him and nodded.

The little girl, which I had come to know and love as a little sister's friend who had a crush on me, was gone, and I wouldn't ever see her smiling face again. I wouldn't ever get to be greeted by a message from Facebook, wondering when I was going to come home… No… Her last words to me were those of love, and I couldn't be more thankful.

* * *

**AN: Well there you go. I killed myself. Whoot.**


End file.
